Last night’s LOST: Season 6 Episode 4

Dear Diary,

People just don’t understand me. I mean how would they feel if they’d spent several years of their adult life without the use of their legs? And now I don’t even have legs. I mean, not in the corporeal sense. Sure, I can get around the island faster than anyone, but I’m a cloud of freaking smoke.

I’ll tell you one thing, nobody ever hugs a smoke monster.

Richard won’t even look at me anymore. I miss the old days, when he loathed me and feared me. But sexy-like. Now Captain Guyliner just looks at me with disgust and runs off into the woods. Probably headed to the temple. Stupid temple. I never get invited to their little pool parties.

It’s probably not a real pool anyway. Probably just a secret underground spring with psuedo-magical healing powers. Stupid temple.

I thought James was gonna be cool, but then he broke my ladder. So what if I live in a cave on the side of a cliff? You don’t have to screw up my ladder. Jeez. It’s called a diet?

It’s okay though. James is pretty torn up over Juliet. He was drunk as a skunk when I found him. At least he was nice to me. Offered me something to drink. Too bad everything tastes like smoke now. It was probably pretty good whiskey. I mean, it had to be well aged, or not, I don’t know anymore … what year is it? Time travel is kinda bad for perishables.

So anyway, the whiskey was either good or bad, I don’t know. James seemed to be enjoying his. At least it was getting the job done.

So I told James I’d give him some answers if he’d come to my cliff-view pad. He totally believed me!

Oh, yeah, Diary … He was so into my hobby of weighing rocks and then throwing them into the ocean. It was nice to have company for a change.

Honestly, Diary, even though it’s only been like three days since I managed to get Linus to off Jacob, I kinda miss him. I’m even thinking of going ahead and putting his team together for the All-Island Softball Open. I showed James the roster and he’s pretty into the idea.

Anyway it was nice to have a friend to talk to. James is just so dreamy. He’s a good listener too. I really needed that, especially since I’m having such a hard time in my alternate timeline.

My boss in that timeline is such a jerk! Just because the company paid to send me to that conference and I didn’t go so I could get kicked off a walkabout he fires me? Whatever. Hugo totally has my back. I’m glad I didn’t key his Hummer like I was planning to. That might have really messed up our friendship.

Helen found my knives. She was pretty cool about it. She’s way more understanding than she was in season three. Man, season-three-Helen would have kicked me out for running off to Australia to be a knife salesman. I’m glad this timeline has mellowed her out.

Anyway, I’m starting to puff a little bit. I guess I better go. Maybe I can find that weird new kid and smoke him to death. He totally rubs me the wrong way.

Thanks for listening, Diary.

Love,

Smokey John