It just doesn’t seem fair.
After all I did for Benjamin Linus — I’m sorry, Doctor Benjamin Linus — he just runs off with Angry Rifle Lady and completely ignores my perfectly friendly offer to join Smokey John’s Other Island All-Stars.
What a jerk.
And that’s just the beginning. Dude dissed me in not one but two timelines. He’s in the alter-verse teacher’s lounge crying in his cereal about how the mean ol’ principal won’t let him have his glee club or whatever and I’m all like “Bro, start a revolution and I’ll be there with knives on.”
But does he do it, no. He doesn’t. He gets religion or something and just can’t let some supposedly innocent teenage girl suffer for his ambition. Definitely not the Benjamin Linus — I’m sorry, Doctor Benjamin Linus — I thought I knew.
And it’s not just me he let down. Matlock’s sidekick got left out in the cold too.
But that’s not even the worst of it. The real slap in the face was here on the island. Honestly, I’m more shocked than hurt. I mean, you think you know a guy.
I use my smokey telepath powers to untie this guy, plant a gun for him to use and give him a totally sweet plan for escape — and dude goes all Cryin’ On Oprah on me.
I DON’T CARE, BRO!
I have a plan and you are screwing everything up right now.
I’m sorry, Diary, I don’t mean to take all this out on you. It’s just hard, you know. I’m trying to stick to this plan and people just won’t cooperate. It gets really, really frustrating sometimes.
And I haven’t seen James for days. Sigh.
I think I get the last laugh on this Linus situation, though. I’m over here chilling with the All-Stars and he’s sitting alone like the fat kid in gym class. Boo and yah.
Anyway, I have to go for now. Some other bald guy is coming to the island and I have a feeling I’m a hafta regulate.