It feels really good to be back to my old self again.
Ya know, it just seems silly now. What a funk I put myself in over James, when all I really needed to do was just stand up and be myself. If there’s one thing I learned from Oprah, it’s that you just can’t let a man define who you are as a person.
And who I am as a person is all four Horseman of the Apocalypse bundled up into one big, bald bag of hurt. Who only ever wanted to be loved.
Oh yeah, I admit I had a little flutter when James said he was wrong about me. That little smirky smile of his does have a way of getting to me. I felt so warm and fuzzy then, all I wanted to do was hold him and tell him everything was alright. We could just go back to the way things were.
Maybe … But, no. He hurt me too deep. And I’m never gonna let a man hurt me like that again.
Because I am going to kill all of them.
I know, I know. I went on and on about Sayid. And Desmond. And Jack. I admit it … I even had a little flirty thing Hugo for a while. (What? he has a great personality.) But I just can’t let love distract me. I have to follow my hopes and dreams all the way to the end of the world that I plan on bringing about.
Don’t get me wrong, Diary. I’m not gonna destroy everything in my path because I’m ANGRY. I’m going to destroy everything because I WANT to.
THIS IS WHO I AM NOW.
I see it all so clearly. This is my purpose. I mean, sure, I may never find true love — because everyone else is dead — but I can finally be happy being me. And really, you can’t love anyone if you don’t love yourself. Right?
So yeah, I got Smokey widdit and killed a bunch of minor, no-name characters. Oh. OH! And I totally went all MacGyver and rigged a freaking bomb out of nothing but some C-4, a battery and a watch. I KNOW! So. Badass.
Bonus: Some people I’m totally pissed at got in some serious trouble too.
Sayid, you lie to me? You REJECT me? Blowed up. (BTW, Diary, isn’t it like, the total definition of irony that the only Arab guy on the island, like, suicide bombs HIMSELF to try and save everyone’s life?)
Sun, you run away from me? Jin, you look at me with unmitigated disgust? Sleepin’ with the fishes. See.
Boom! Take that Kate. You got shot, blowed up AND nearly drowned. Of course, you’re still not dead … but I ain’t gonna sweat the small stuff no more. You see what happens when you try to take my man! That’s RIGHT.
Jack, James? Well, don’t worry, I’m a get you eventually.
Argh! Whatta night. I am so juiced right now. Smokey Rampage of Death? Check. Gunfight? Check. Underwater explosion? Check.
Basically, King Kong ain’t got nothin’ on me.
And damn, it feels good to be a monster.