Phantom is one of those cats that gets this look on his face like he knows something you don’t and there’s no way he’s ever going to tell you. It’s like a combination of wisdom and pity. It’s really disconcerting.
Once you get to know me you realize there just isn’t a lot there. It’s not that I’m shallow — it’s just that I’m a three trick pony. Hang around me for any length of time and you’ll get the idea. You’ll start to notice that you heard me tell this joke before, were struck by that witty comment sometime last month, saw the same nervous tick last week when I got upset about the state of baseball in America. And that’s when it hits you. I’m boring. Nice, but really boring. Oh, I don’t blame you. You think it’s bad for you, imagine being me. I’ve been living with myself for nearly thirty years now. It’s no walk in the park.
Dear National Retail Chain: I couldn’t help but notice, during a recent visit to your place of business, […]